Warriors: Another Parody: California Clans
by Champ Saturn
Summary: Sequel to Warriors: A Parody! The clans are moving to California! For no apparent reason! WHOO! Rated T for language and some sexual references/dialogue. Click my name, and scroll down, to read the first. Please R&R! NOT RECOMMENDED FOR CHILDREN UNDER 13 AT ALL.
1. Chapter 1: California

Warriors: Another Parody: California Clans (On my profile, go to the first one, if you haven't read it yet.)

**WARNING: This chapter contains mature content. Kids under the age of 13 aren't advised to read this chapter.**

**Chapter 1**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors or any brands mentioned in this story.**

**Six moons passed.**

**Dovewing was chatting with Jayfeather in the medicine den. "So, yeah, then, Moleweiner and Cherrytit were like 'Jayfeather, get outta my face!" He cursed. Moleweiner and Cherrytit acted so mean since they became warriors. **

**Dovewing walked out of the den. "So… you been screwing Bumblestripe lately?" Daisy appeared out of nowhere. Dovewing gleefully nodded. "Yep!" She knew why Daisy was asking. Ever since Ferncloud died of boob loss, it's been thought that ThunderClan might die off, because Dustpelt and Ferncloud were the main source of kits. But Dustpelt already mated with Blossomfall, and had a litter of six.**

**Lionblaze was walking with Cinderheart, drowning out what she was saying. "You like my cheese costume, don't you, honey?" Lionblaze nodded, and pushed Cinderheart into a hole with a big net. "James, we got a cat, not Pikachu!" A female voice whispered. "Damn, Jessie, shut up!" The male voice replied. **

**Lionblaze continued to run, until he saw Heathertail. He looked at her for a moment, and then they began to make out. He literally placed his face inside her mouth, and she vomited, and he licked it off. "TAKE IT OFF,T AKE IT OFF!" Heathertail screamed, as Lionblaze pulled off her bra, and he got off for a moment. "Oh, Lionblaze! You've been a very bad boy today! I might send you to the Principal's Office!" Heathertail scolded, pretending to be a teacher.**

"**Oh, Teacher, I'll do my homework. Now, let me make it up to you…" Lionblaze replied, pretending to be a student, then put himself on top of Heathertail, and did a SUPER HUMP! **

**Jayfeather watched them with an exasperated face, as he picked sunflowers because they were pretty. Then, he secretly grabbed a video cam, and recorded. "Oh, yeah…" He murmured. Heathertail looked up at Jayfeather, and screamed, covering her boobies up with her bra. Lionblaze stared at his brother for a moment, and Jayfeather broke into a sprint, scared of being pwned. **

**Ivypool made her best chipmunk face. "Wow, I have a talent. I need to share this with the world, for some odd reason!" She exclaimed. Life as a divorcee was boring, obviously.**

**In the clearing, Thornclaw, Whitewing, and Berrystumpyleg served as the judges on a large table, rented from LargeTables4Rent. It was a cool website, and the stop for any ThunderClan large table needs.**

"**Welcome to ThunderClan's Got Talent! With your judges, Thornclaw, Whitewing, and Berrystumpyleg!" The voice announced.**

"**Hey everyone! Welcome, I can't wait to see some great talents!' Thornclaw exclaimed. Whitewing smiled. "Yes! There should be some good ones." Berrystumpyleg added on, "Quite-" "ON WITH THE SHOW, BITCHES!" Ivypaw, one of Ivypool's kits, yowled. **

**Dovewing was cooking in the kitchen, where all she-cats belong, when a voice whispered to her.**

"**Rape your mother… Rape your mother…"**

**Dovewing pulled off her apron. "I will!" She exclaimed happily, and sprinted out of the kitchen, leaving her sugary treats baking in the oven.**

"**Starships, I meant to fly-y-y, hands up, and touch the sky…" Hazeltail sang along with the radio, dancing. **

**The first talent was performed by Bumblestripe.**

"**So, I understand you're sharing a poem?" Berrystumpyleg asked, and Bumblestripe nodded.**

"**Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens  
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens  
Brown paper packages tied up with strings  
These are a few of my favorite things, when the dog bi-" Bumblestripe skillfully sang 'My Favorite Things' from 'The Sound of Music.'**

"**What the Dark Forest, Bumblestripe? You were supposed to recite an original poem, not 'My Favorite Things' from 'The Sound of Music.'" Whitewing reprimanded, and Thornclaw raped him off of the stage, as Bumblestripe bawled.**

"**You said a bad word, Whitewing!" Seedpaw exclaimed. "I'm telling Sorreltail!"**

**Ivypool was nervous. She hoped her chipmunk talent was good! She didn't want to be raped by Thornclaw! _I heard from Blossomfall, who heard from Rosepetal, who heard from Icecloud, who heard from Mousewhisker, who heard from Briarlight, that Thornclaw molests kits, because he can't find a mate. Pervert!_**

Jayfeather slipped back into his den, and climbed into the bathtub. He started caressing his private parts, closing his eyes, making squeaky little sounds. He lifted his paw out of the water, and it had Oreo cream on it! "Yummy! I love the cream in oreos." He cluelessly yowled, and licked his paw clean.

Suddenly, Millie ran into the camp, delirious, screaming. "AHHH!"

"What's the matter?" Bramblestar sharply demanded, and Millie looked up at him with bloodshot eyes.

"Nothing… I just feel like moving the clans to California." Millie told him, shaking violently.

"Okay!" Bramblestar replied, and everyone cheered.

Note: Finally, a sequel! Thanks for reading, please review! To read the first one, click my name, and scroll down! -lugirox


	2. Chapter 2: Death Star

Warriors: Another Parody: California Clans Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors or any brands mentioned in the story.

Dovewing was sitting in the TV den, watching a Twilight marathon with Icecloud, Blossomfall, Daisy, Birghtheart, and Purdy.

_Taylor Lautner is so hot! I wish my fiancée Bumblestripe looked like that. _Dovewing thought.

Lionblaze was sitting in his den, and looked and saw his son Rainpaw pacing the clearing. His son that Toadstep had given birth to, but Cinderheart had adopted him.

"Hey, Rainpaw!" Lionblaze friendishly exclaimed.

"Shut up!" Rainpaw yowled. He had always been this loving towards his family!

ThunderClan Has Talent continued, and Ivypool was up next. "You can do this, Ivypool." She told herself, and walked onto the stage, the judges Thornclaw, Berrystumpyleg, and her mother Whitewing, staring at her.

Ivypool stared back, her mouth gaping open, completely forgetting about her chipmunk talent. She had a severe case of stage fright!

"Come on, betoch, what are you going to do?" Berrystumpyleg asked.

In the midst of her stage fright, Ivypool pulled off her pink Victoria Secret bra, and danced around, nude.

There was no photos. There was no cheering. Ivypool looked disappointed.

Whitewing screamed. "AHHHH! HIDE THOSE THINGS!" She blindly yowled, and fell out of her chair, trying to claw herself back on.

Sirens blared, and Jayfeather moaned. "Dammit! Purdy fainted! Now I have to heal him!"

A fire started in the leader's den, and cats who were packing boxes for the California trip ran away because the boxes came to life.

"PUT YOUR BRA BACK ON!" Bramblestar yowled above all the hysteria.

Ivypool scrambled to put it on, and when she did, everything turned to normal, the sun came out, flowers bloomed everywhere, the kits came out and played tag, and everyone started to dance.

Darth Leafpool watched all of them, wearing her black hood, laughing evilly. She got in her black starfighter, and flew out to space. She saw the ultimate superweapon. Darth Leafpool's gaze rested upon the Death Star.

The sith apprentice came out of her starfighter, and saw The Emperor, with his other apprentice, Darth Tigerheart.

"TigerClan is growing well. We just need to capture ThunderClan. It's being a big beotch." Darth Tigerheart meowed to his master.

Suddenly, Darth Leafpool drew her red lightsaber, and chopped off The Emperor's head. "Ahahahahah! The galaxy shall be mine once more. And so will Crowy…" Darth Leafpool had an idea, and turned on Darth Tigerheart. She grabbed a video camera, and turned it on.

"So… Tigger…" Darth Leafpool remarked, pulling off her hood, to reveal her naked body.

"EW! You weren't wearing a bra underneath?" Darth Tigerheart yowled in disgust.

Suddenly, the two sith began to make out, and started having sex. Yes… Darth Leafpool would release a sex tape with the leader of TigerClan to make Crowfeather jealous and want her back!

She had to admit, she enjoyed it. The only two other cats she had had sex with were Crowfeather and Cinderpelt.

Jayfeather stared into a bowl of water for two days without stopping, and saw nothing, because he is blind. "OMS! I can't believe it!" He yowled after two days. Nothing had taken place! It was unbelievable! The clans were in mortal danger.

The breeze blew through the den, and Jayfeather whipped his hand around. He gasped. OMS! Nothing!

Dovewing was crying for no reason.

Lionblaze fell to the ground in agony for no reason.

Jayfeather gained five pounds for no reason.

Ivypool had nothing happen to her for no reason.

All of a sudden, the Death Star was floating above the stone hollow.

"It's so pretty!" Amberkit called, and Birghtheart smacked her with a crowbar to silence her. Brightheart was totally on her period.

In the cockpit of the Death Star, Darth Leafpool and Darth Tigerheart sat. They would zap ThunderClan.

ThunderClan starfighters came out of their hangars, and flew towards the air, assaulting the Death Star. But it wasn't enough.

Bramblestar interrupted his Squirrelflight screwing, and looked down at Lionblaze, Dovewing, and Ivypool. "You three young, inexperienced pilots must get in your starfighters and destroy it."

The three nodded. It was on.

Note: Thank you for reading this chapter! Please review. –puppy dog –eyes-

Ivypool: -takes bra off again-

Me: NOOOOO!


	3. Chapter 3: Vole Cookies

Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors or any brands mentioned.

Dovewing put the eggs in the bowl. "Okay, that's the first step to making your vole cookies. Put some vole meat and chocolate together in the blender, and pour the mush into the bowl." She meowed instructionally. She was on her cooking show, Dovewing's Gourmet House, that aired on ThunderClan TV.

"POUR IN SOME RUM!" Sandstorm called from the elder's den.

"Hey! This is a taping! Now we have to edit that out! Come over here!" Dovewing yowled, and chased after the elder, wanting to rough her up.

"California girls, we're undeniable, fine, fresh, fierce we got in on lock…" The radio sang as Rosepetal turned it on.

"What the Dark Forest is that for?" Spiderleg hissed at his daughter, his fur bristling.

"Well, I thought it might help us pack for California!" Rosepetal exclaimed, and Spiderleg shrugged.

Jayfeather jumped on his couch. "Let's watch some TV!" He meowed, after grooming his gray fur. "I won't even be able to see it, but who cares!"

He turned it on with his remote. "Dovewing's Gourmet Kitchen! They make some sh*tty sh*it on there! Really, magpie hot dogs?" Jayfeather switched the channel.

"The Big Bang Theory! Oh StarClan, help me…" Jayfeather meowed as he changed it again. "NCIS! Wow! This show has been on for like, 10 years!" He turned it off, finding nothing to watch.

Considering Lionblaze was so strong and muscley, he started a workout program for ThunderClan cats.

Daisy, Molebutt and Cherrynipple joined it.

Lionblaze supervised everyone working out.

"Yay! I did five push-ups!" Molebutt giggled, and Cherrynipple, despite being an obese fatso, did six push-ups!

"Hey guys! I have an inspiration song that you could listen to, it helps me!" Lionblaze exclaimed, and walked over to his iPaw, and turned on 'Whip My Fur' by Willowpelt.

Daisy was wearing a blue exercise headband, jogging in place. "Whoo! I'm ready!" She exclaimed, breaking a big sweat from jogging in place four 5 seconds.

Daisy padded over to the treadmill, and hopped on, but got off after 20 seconds. "That's pretty rough!"

Lionblaze rolled his eyes. "That's because all you do is sit around eating Skittles in the nursery! Yeah, you 'say' you'll watch the kits, but in reality, you're just sitting on your ass, letting the kits start a sex ring, and who knows what else!" He yowled, and Daisy ran off, crying.

"Aww… I feel a little bad… Never mind, I feel better." Lionblaze meowed, rolling his eyes.

"Yum, these vole cookies are delicious!" Dovewing purred on her show, and Ivypool came on set. "Hey, sis!" She exclaimed, and Dovewing chuckled. "Hey! My sister Ivypool is here to enjoy my food with me."

Ivypool touched the kitchen counter with her paw, and a fire started. "AHHH!" Dovewing screamed, running away. "ThunderClan Fire Squad!" Graystripe yowled, and a bunch of cats came in, hosing down the big fire.

Ivypool came out unharmed. "YOU ARE AN ACCIDENT PRONE BEOTCH!" Thornclaw jeered at her, and she sobbed, and then, she slipped on the ashes of Dovewing's counter, and broke her leg.

"It will be a dangerous journey to California…." Squirrelflight murmured to Bramblestar in his den, and the tabby tom laughed. "Dangerous? We're taking a luxurious jet!"

Squirrelflight looked puzzled. "I thought… I thought… we would be going there on foot!"

"Dark Forest no!" Bramblestar exclaimed, and Squirrelflight shrugged.

Icecloud was chattering to Dovewing. "Okay, so you picked out the cake for the wedding? Great. Brackenfur will make a fine DJ, I agree." She was the wedding planner for Dovewing's wedding to Bumblestripe.

"Make sure you get a few tons of champagne and beer, because if you don't get a lot for Sandstorm, no one will enjoy any liquor." Dovewing remarked to the white she-cat, and Icecloud nodded. "I'll order it from AlcoholByTheTon immediately!"

Toadstep was so excited. He was hosting the first meeting of his book club today! He sat at a large table, rented from LargeTables4Rent, and spoke up when the she-cats were gathered.

"Let's begin the meeting!" He called in a gay voice, and Toadstep motioned to Mothwing.

Mothwing's eyes were glowing. "I have 'Transformations: From Atheist to Faithful,' written by some random cat. I suggest this, because I was an atheist, but when I saw StarClan cats with my own eyes during the great battle, and started believing and going to church!" She exclaimed, her golden fur bristling with excitement.

"What's a church?" Whitetail of WindClan asked curiously, cocking her head.

Mothwing shrugged. "Idk! I read about it in the book!"

Whitetail looked puzzled. "If no one, including you, knows what a church is, then how do you go-?"

"SHUT UP!" Mothwing screamed, breathing heavily.

Next, Tawnypelt spoke. "Alright, so I have this one book, called Fifty Shades of Grey! We should all read it. There's lots and lots of sex!" She suggested, and murmurs of agreement came from everyone else.

Cinderheart gave birth to a daughter and a son, and she couldn't be happy, along with Lionblaze.

Lionblaze stared at them lovingly. "I say… Biggiekit and Tupackit." He purred, loving and licking them. He loved Notorious B.I.G and Tupac Shakur, so he named his kits after them.

"I love those names! Let's hope they don't get shot, like their namesakes!" Cinderheart lovingly purred, and Daisy watched the newborns as she had sex with Lionblaze.

As Jayfeather was applying his blindness ointment that never seemed to work, Lilypaw approached his den.

"Are you really dating Briarlight?" She giggled, looking up at Jayfeather gleefully.

Jayfeather made a grossed-out face. "Ew, beotch, why would you think that!" He yowled, grabbed the nearest belt, and viciously belted the apprentice.

"You are weak, Jayfeather! Your belts don't even hurt!" Lilypaw laughed, kicked him in the yum-yums, and went to go gossip about cute toms with Seedpaw.

Jayfeather rolled his sightless eyes, and yelled at Briarlight to get her back fixed and stop crawling around like an annoying insect.

"I NEED TO KNOW WWWWHHHOOO SHOOOTTT J.R?" Millie ran around screaming.

Birchfall walked up to her. "You know, they're remaking Dallas again."

Millie laughed. "That is so stupid. But I should still watch it, because that show was damn addicting!"

"I'm breaking the fourth wall!" Graystripe exclaimed from the elders den.

Leafpool walked around, acting normally-depressed again. Being a sith lord was so last week.

"Hey, guys! One Direction is stopping in ThunderClan camp for their world tour!" Blossomfall exclaimed to everyone, and all the she-cats, plus Toadstep and Purdy, started running around excitedly.

Ivypool was horrified by this, though. "Ewewwwwww!" She yowled, and knew that she should ruin the concert. She put on a black hood, for dramatic effect, and visited Jayfeather's den.

"What the Dark Forest do you want, Ivypool? Drop the hood, it makes you look like a lesbian!" Jayfeather hissed, his gray fur bristling.

"Jayfeather, get off of your period for a second and listen to me!" Ivypool yelled and the top of her lungs, and that shut him up.

"One Direction is doing a concert here. We must destroy it." She told Jayfeather, and he mischievously smiled.

Ten minutes later, Jayfeather and Ivypool were in thongs. "Gummy worm?" Jayfeather asked Ivypool, chewing.

"No! We have to rehearse!" Ivypool replied, taking the gummy worms, eating a few, and throwing them all the way into the forest. Briarlight, with a swollen eye from Jayfeather's abuse, played 'Sexy and I Know It' by LMFAO, and the two started dancing sexily. They would do this on stage during One Direction's performance.

"!" Ivypool laughed.

Note: Jayfeather and Ivypool are out to ruin the concert! Should ThunderClan be worried? Ice cream for reviewers! SO PLEASE REVIEW! The clans will be moving to California eventually. Unless they forget. –lugirox


	4. Chapter 4: Crazy Directioners

Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors, or any brands mentioned.

**Chapter 4: Crazy Directioners**

**Dovewing was getting jittery. One Direction had finally arrived in ThunderClan camp, and she was in line to screw them! **

**She watched Toadstep walk away from the big tent, his fur ripped up, his eyes wild. _The sex must be pretty awesome!_ Dovewing reasoned.**

**Lionblaze eagerly watched the 'Starships' by Nicki Minaj music video. He wildly errr…. Uhh… was enjoying himself, screaming. "Yeah, Nicki's ass is hot!" He was using Purdy;s TV that Purdy used to watch Mousefur's buttporn videos. He probably wouldn't mind.**

**Cinderheart suddenly walked in. "Lionblaze, hun? What are you doing?" She called, seeing the TV, and him kneeling before it. "Nothing, honey."**

**Cinderheart shrugged happily. "Okay! When you say that, you must be telling the truth!" She exclaimed and exited the den.**

**Dovewing reached the tent, and saw a sign that said '$5.00 4 seks.' She gasped. "Never mind! I will take my business elsewhere!" She stormed off angrily.**

**Jayfeather remembered his plan with Ivypool to ruin the One Direction concert later. He went to ThunderClan Chorus, still directed by Squirrelflight. He took his place beside Cinderheart on the bleachers.**

**Squirrelflight looked at everyone proudly, and then spoke. "Alright, 'It's Raining Men,' from the top!" She called out, and everyone sang. **

"**It's Raining Men, hallelujah, it's raining men!" Jayfeather was the most eager singer, even grinding up on Graystripe to make it even more realistic. **

**Later, the One Direction sex tent closed down, and she-cats who couldn't get in a seventh time cursed with anger. "But, their concert is happening!" Blossomfall added, and the females all cheered.**

"**Well, I certainly am not paying for it, so I don't know who will…" Bramblestar meowed to Squirrelflight, and she filled with rage at her husband. "THEN YOU'RE STUPID! I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! YOU WILL PAY FOR 1D, OR ELSE NO SEX FOR A WEEK!"**

**Bramblestar, filled with fear, crouched down. "Fine, bitch!" Squirrelflight shrugged. She knew she was a major bitch, just like her sister.**

**Lionblaze tried to find a sexy ho to bang-**

**The scene changed to a small, dingy room, filled with the writers for Warriors: Another Parody. "Wait, wait, hold up. Lionblaze is married with kits. He's now boring. Should we write him off?" Writer #2 suggested, and everyone wondered.**

"**Maybe, we could make a spin-off sitcom about him! Titles could be Married… with Kits, Everybody Loves Lionblaze, The Big Blaze Theory… the possibilities are endless!" Writer #5 added. She was totally about profit.**

**Writer #1 rolled his eyes. "Just shut up, and keep on Lionblaze!"**

**BACK TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING**

**Lionblaze groaned as he purchased popcorn from a concession stand for his wife, Cinderheart, as she sat down to watch One Direction's concert. Their kits, Biggiekit and Tupackit, were being watched, along with the other kits, by Daisy. Aw, who is Lionblaze kidding, she's probably letting them steal from Sandstorm's liquor stash and letting them get crunk! _Being married sucks big time. _**

**As the concert was about to begin, Jayfeather and Ivypool met in the medicine den. Both were only wearing thongs. They would f**k up the 1D show. Ivypool's saggy boobs were revealed due to the absence of her bra. **

**Even though Ivypool's boobs were visibly saggy, Jayfeather was desperate, and so was she. Thus, he stared into her eyes, and they began to make out, pull off each other's thongs, and crashed to the floor and CENSORED! CENSORED! CENSORED! CENSORED BY THE CENSORED BY THE CENSORING ASSOCIATION OF THUNDERCLAN!**

**Jayfeather and Ivypool forgot about One Direction as the pair made love on the medicine den floor. The band members came out on stage. "F**K ME HARRY!" A few she-cats excitedly yowled, and they blew kisses.**

**-20-year-old girl voice narrating- Meanwhile, in the elder's den, things were heating up between Sandstorm and Purdy!**

"**BITCH, YOU STOLE MY VODKA!" Sandstorm drunkenly screamed, slapping Purdy in the face. **

"**Gid awf uv mi but, meenee poo!111" Purdy yowled.**

**-Purdy, Elder, it reads- "I rele don lik it wen Sandee ylz mee, lik, itz rele meen, ann shez buleing mee!"**

**Leafpool was watching The Notebook in a bush, eating potato chips and drinking cheap wine, sobbing. "Boo hoo! My precious Crowy will never love me as much as they love each other! Ahhhhhhhbaaahhhhh! Boooohhooo! Ahbaahbahaba! OOoooohhh Boohoooooolo AAHAHAHAHAH! NOOOO CROWY! MY BAAAAABBBY!"**

**Thornclaw poked his head in the bush. "Wanna have sex?"**

"**CRRRROWWWYYYY!" Leafpool cried as she hit Thornclaw with a shovel. "NOOOOOO, ONLLLY MY BABY CROOOWWWYYY!"**

"**Hi Lionblaze!" Brackenfur greeted him in a friendly tone.**

**Lionblaze whipped his head around. "What did you just say to me?" He snapped, holding Brackenfur at gunpoint with a squirt gun. **

"**I said hi?" Brackenfur meowed, holding up his paws.**

**Lionblaze screamed angrily, soaking Brackenfur with water. "No, oh, no, help!" He yowled, and fell in a big hole. "BASTARD!" Lionblaze yelled into the hole, hearing some moans from the near-death Brackenfur.**

**Dovewing walked back to her den after the 1D concert. Oddly, their voices sounded a lot like Toadstep… No, preposterous! 1D could NEVER lip-sync! Even though they stopped, and you could still hear them singing, no, they couldn't have been lip-synching! **

**Dovewing didn't feel like planning the wedding at the moment. She would do it tomorrow. Or the day after that. Or the day after the day after the day after that. Or on June 6, 2106. –demonic laughter-**

**Ivypool suddenly stood up, breathing heavily. "Jayfeather! The One Direction concert, remember?" She asked, and they both quickly put on their thongs, and ran onto the stage. Briarlight played 'Sexy and I Know It.' The two started dancing, but all there was on stage was Foxleap sweeping. "Dammit!" Jayfeather cursed, and he pushed Ivypool off the stage, and threw his thong on to Foxleap's head. "I hate my life!"**

**Note: Thank you for reading this chapter! I'm sorry for the wait, it's hard to think up funny material. Please review! Reviewers will get a virtual can of soup! -Champ**


	5. Chapter 5: Pistols

Warriors: Another Parody; Chapter 5

Disclaimer; I do not own Warriors, nor do I own any brands mentioned in the story.

Lionblaze was walking through the dark woods. Where was he? How did he even get here? He heard a slight rustling in a nearby bush.

"Who the Dark Forest is there? Do you got some Taco Bell, because damn, am I hungry!" He yelled, and realized he had to voice of a ghetto chick. He looked at himself. He was wearing gold chains all over. Weird…

"Boo!" A kit popped out of the bushes, and Lionblaze screamed with fear. He instinctively reached for the pistol in his crack.

"No, it's was a prank, please don't kill me-" The kit begged, fear shining it's eyes.

It was cut off by Lionblaze shooting it four times in the chest. "Whoo, that was a close one!" He exclaimed, pushing the pistol back up his buttcrack.

Suddenly, Lionblaze woke up, sweating intensely, and breathing heavily. It was just a dream, he didn't gun down a kit… as if it would matter, anyway. Just to make sure, he reached for a pistol in his crack. Nothing! That was a relief.

Dovewing was standing in the stripping den in the camp, stripping to 'Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree' while many toms watched and drooled.

"I'd rape dat ho…" Spiderleg meowed, his tongue slithering out of his mouth.

Toadstep was standing next to him, and had a disgusted face. "Ew, dad. That's gross. Like, seriously."

Spiderleg looked confused. "Why are you even in the strip club? You're gay?"

Toadstep simply shrugged. "Well, evidently, nothing in this fanfiction, or the first one, makes any sense. I'm a guy, I can't have kits. Jayfeather's a guy, he's on his period all of the time. And like, Icecloud, Leafpool, and Hazeltail came back from the dead. And I ran off with Breezepelt, and like, the author somehow made me reappear, and Onestar is a drug dealer-"

He was cut off by Spiderleg hitting him in the head with a bat. "Damn, how did I get him as a son…" He muttered to himself, while he continued to drool over Dovewing stripping to Christmas songs.

"Thanksgiving was right around the corner, so Bramblestar commissioned a decorating committee to decorate this joint with Thanksgiving-ish stuff, because he's too lazy to do anything himself!" Poppyfrost announced to a bunch of gathered cats. She listed off the members of the committee. "Me, Leafpool, Jayfeather, Purdy, and Millie. We'll make the camp perfect!"

Jayfeather groaned. "WTF? Why did I get assigned to it?" He yowled.

"BECAUSE YOU'RE A WHINY LITTLE HOLE!" Squirrelflight screamed. Jayfeather's mouth opened wide, and he started turning green, and he turned into the Hulk, and started destroying everything, and ripped off Squirrelflight's head, and trampled the flowers and fresh-kill and Oprah.

Just kidding. Jayfeather just whined some more about it after Squirrelflight's insult.

The committee got to work, prettying up the entire camp. Poppyfrost placed cute little paw turkeys made by the kits, and pumpkins. Millie did the same.

However, selecting Leafpool was a mistake. Jayfeather watched as the insane bitch dragged some dead turkeys into camp from the Dirtplace, and hung them by nooses from trees. "THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL, AREN'T THEY? AREN'T THEY?" She yowled at the kits. Trembling, they nodded and ran away.

Meanwhile, Purdy was hanging some buckets or something, Jayfeather didn't really care. He ditched and went to smoke some trees out in the forest.

Dovewing and Ivypool were out hunting together, laughing like the old days. "Oh, I just love Cinderheart's cheese costume!" Dovewing exclaimed, and Ivypool excitedly nodded. All of a sudden, a random cat fell from the sky onto the ground. Upon looking more closely, they noticed that the cat was dead!

"OH MY STARCLAN, WHAT THE DARK FOREST IS GOING ON, HOLY SHIT!" Ivypool started freaking out, and Dovewing was in shock. Then, they heard a nearby twig snap. "AHAHAHAH! THE MURDERER! EVERY SHE-CAT FOR HERSELF!" Ivypool called out again, tripped Dovewing, and raced away.

Dovewing cast glances around herself fearfully. "I can't get up! I don't know why, I'm actually perfectly fine, but I just can't get up!" She wailed, hoping she wouldn't be murdered. Then, she heard yet another twig snap. "AIIIIEEE!" She yowled, and got up, and ran away. Dramatic music started playing, and Dovewing came to a random and abandoned shack, as the dramatic music became more intense.

"HEEELP! HEELP ME!" Dovewing yowled, banging on the shack door. "I'M BEING CHASED!" She lied. She was being chased by nothing. Dovewing eventually broke down the door, and saw that there was only a dirty toilet in there. She shrugged, and hid inside the dirty toilet.

Lionblaze sat in a chair. He was getting therapy for his disturbing dream about shooting a kit that frightened him. The empty warriors den was the therapist's place of business.

Suddenly, a ginger she-cat padded into the den. Her eyes were glazed, and her fur was ruffled up. She took a seat in front of Lionblaze. "Grandma Sandy!" Lionblaze gleefully exclaimed.

"Shut up, faggot." Sandstorm hissed, smacking her grandson in the face. "I'm your therapist." She meowed, while lighting up a cigarette, and guzzling a beer simultaneously. She often flaunted her 'gift' of being able to smoke and drink at the same time. "So what the Dark Forest do you want?" The elder asked.

"Gingers have no souls!" Lionblaze yowled. "Sorry, had to get that out."

Sandstorm rolled her eyes. "Continue."

Lionblaze drew a deep breath, and explained. "So, I was walking in the woods, in my dream. I was wearing gold chains, and I was craving Taco Bell. All of a sudden, a kit popped up at said 'Boo!' I instinctively pulled a pistol out of my crack, and shot the kit repeatedly. I need help getting beyond this disturbing dream." He explained.

Sandstorm leaned closer, obviously drunk, and smelling like smoke and alcohol mixed. "Here's what you do; To help you get past this, just shoot any kit, and your troubles will go away immediately. Actually shooting a kit will help, for sure. I've seen this before, in my 15 minutes experience of therapy." She meowed.

Lionblaze smiled with happiness. "That's all? Cool, I'll shoot the first kit I see!" He exclaimed. Sandstorm was a fantastic therapist!

Jayfeather was out picking herbs, which was all a medicine cat did, pretty boring, eh? Anyway, he picking herbs, and all of a sudden, Ivypool came running by. "HEELLP! SOMETHING'S COMING AFFTER MEE! I SAW A DEAD BODYY!"

Jayfeather looked up at her, and rolled his eyes. "That was a prop I lent to Lionblaze for a sex tape he made!"

"Oh." Ivypool meowed, looking embarrassed. Then, she loudly farted.

"Oops, sorry, I ate a few cans of beans with Dovewing earlier."

Jayfeather couldn't believe it. That fart had just told him something shocking! "Don't be sorry! I just deciphered a message from your fart! Hollyleaf might still be alive!"

Note: I am so sorry for how long I took to write this chapter! I contracted some serious writer's block, and it took me a long time to come up with material! I'll be coming out with chapters more regularly, for sure! I already have their Thanksgiving planned out! Please review, and Jayfeather will hug you! - Champ


	6. Chapter 6: Kimye

Warriors: Another Parody: Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors or any other brands mentioned.**

**Note: Again, I would suggest reading the first one in this series, it's on my profile, to fully understand this story.**

**Jayfeather looked at his fellow sacred medicine cats, gathered at the sacred commune of medicine cats. Willowshine was sitting on her ratchet ass, praying in Catese.**

"**Meooooowww, meeeoooww, meeoooow StarClan…. Prrrr….. Poorfcfuur.r….. mrroooowww….."**

**Jayfeather rolled his eyes, and took a long swig of koolaid. "Oh koolaid… how I need you…" He murmured, taking another swig. He poked Willowshine with a stick. "Sorry to interrupt your cat praying, but I got a sign from StarClan the other day."**

"**Well?" Littlecloud meowed.**

"**What? Oh yeah, some bitch farted and somehow, that fart telepathically communicated with me, and told me that Hollyleaf, some crazy-ass ThunderClan warrior/my sister is still alive." Jayfeather meowed, downing another bottle of koolaid.**

**Dovewing was by some random caves, picking flowers, sticking her juice-filled ass up in the air as she picked each one. "LOL, how am I doing this? I don't even have opposable thumbs!" Suddenly, she heard a rustling in the bushes nearby. "Hello?" She meowed, backing up, until she backed up into a rock. **_**What if it's Kimye?**_** The elders told of a Twoleg legend, where some talentless reality star named Kim Kardashian had a baby with some rapper that can't seem to get over the fact that he doesn't always win the award named Kanye West. The baby was a horrible monster that ravaged reality TV for decades and had a failed and short-lived rapping career. Its legend was used to frighten kits quite frequently.**

"**It's Kimye! AAHHHH!" Dovewing exclaimed.**

"**Excuse me? According to Book 2, Appendix C, Section 47, Subsection 4," the creature in the bushes paused for breath, "Paragraph 83, Subsection 61, exclaiming 'It's Kimye! AAHHHH!' is AGAINST THE WARRIOR CODE!"**

**Dovewing inched away from the bush along with her juice-filled tush. "Hey, Narrator, you rhymed! Bush, tush!" Shut up, Dovewing! "It's like you're playing The Sims: Feral Cat Edition!" Suddenly, juice began to drip from Dovewing's butt. "Dammit!" She yowled, forgetting about the creature in the bushes, watching as it dripped on to the ground. But the creature in the bushes did sound familiar. How many crazy code-enforcing bitches that sounded an awful lot like Hollyleaf did she know? Dovewing was at a loss.**

**Leafpool was playing with a dead mouse, pretending it was Nightcloud. "SCREW YOU, NIGHTCLOUD! I HATE YOU! AHASHAHAH! YOU TOOK MY LOVE! MY LOVEEEERRR! NO OOONNEE CAAAN EEEVEVVEVER REEPPPLLLAAACCEEE CRRROOOWOWWYWYWYWYYWEWY!" She flung the mouse away, and resigned to a long period of sobbing.**

"**I'm getting reeaal tired of your shit, Leafpool." Ivypool meowed to her, disgusted by her behavior. Not that she could say much. She doubled over and winced a bit. She had gotten a tramp stamp a few days previously that stated that 'the dick is mine.'**

**Anywho, Ivypool was tired of Leafpool's shit. So she pulled out a big orange. "Ooops, that's my snack for later, LOL." She threw the orange up in the air, and it hit Briarlight in the head. Leafpool seemed to not notice Ivypool, as she was babbling in some odd language. Ivypool grabbed a knife. "EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!"**

"**Shut up!" Poppyfrost yowled with frustration. "How many times do I have to tell you- YOU'RE NOT A DALEK!"**

**Ivypool shrugged, and stabbed Leafpool repeatedly. "Oh, oh, oooohh. Ohh…" She kept awkwardly moaning 'oh' as she was stabbed. She was eventually lying on the ground, covered in blood. "The meaning of life is…" She died, her lifeless body twitching. Realizing what she had done, Ivypool fled, leaving the knife planted in Leafpool's corpse.**

**THREE DAYS LATER…**

**There was a podium, surrounded by flowers. Squirrelflight stood at the podium, using water to create fake tears. LOL, her sister Leafpool was a bitch, she didn't give two shits about her! But she was now dead, and she had to put on a fake frown. She was giving the eulogy.**

**Jayfeather and Lionblaze both stood next to each other, laughing obnoxiously, despite it being their mother's funeral. No one liked her. Lionblaze was guzzling down a beer, giggling with delight as he talked to Jayfeather. "Jayfeather, seriously, you have a problem with your koolaid addiction." Lionblaze meowed on a more serious note. Jayfeather waved his hand. "Eh." He had a tube hooked up to his butt-crack that delivered koolaid, and another in his left nostril, while he chugged a pitcher a minute. "It's perfectly fine." **

**Lionblaze knew he needed to hold an intervention for Jayfeather's koolaid addiction. Oh, and he would. But he couldn't now. Squirrelflight had personally asked him to twerk for the funeral.**

"**Wow, Leafpool lived a great life… she was an accomplished medicine cat. She was respected by her clan and the others clans alike. Until it was revealed that she had kits with a WindClan cat and she lost her position as medicine cat and she became a psychotic bitch that has anger issues, mental issues, and a fixation with dead things. Plus, the ThunderClan Police Squad is working hard to solve her murder! Sayonara, now watch her son twerk it!" Squirrelflight gave a beautiful, moving eulogy to honor her sister's wonderful life.**

**Lionblaze went on stage and violently shook his rump, his body moving along with it. It was simply a sight to behold. Everyone was mesmerized by his ass suggestively shaking.**

**Meanwhile, Bramblestar sat in his den. "We need to solve the murder of Leafpool, and I think I know who did it…. Purdy!" He called out from his den, noticing Purdy staring at Lionblaze's twerking ass.**

**Note: Hey guys! I know it's been a long time since my last update, but I took an extended break from FanFiction, and I'm in the mood again. Next chapter will be based on a movie. I'm thinking The Breakfast Club, but if you have suggestions, leave them in your review! The plots, like the intervention for Lionblaze, Hollyleaf's possible return, and Leafpool's 'mysterious' murder will be back after the parody chapter.**


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